


Pins and Needles

by ScarletAnpan



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa 3: The End of 希望ヶ峰学園 | The End of Kibougamine Gakuen | End of Hope's Peak High School, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc
Genre: Angst, Comas - Freeform, Emotions, F/F, Injury, Recovery, Romance, Scars, Sharing Feelings, Trauma, and also kyoko doesn't get enough angst content so i am delivering, comfort angst, dr3 canon has been taken out back and shot, dr3 spoilers, lots of sleeping, mergers, my canon now
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-14
Updated: 2020-09-19
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:21:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23131624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScarletAnpan/pseuds/ScarletAnpan
Summary: After the events of the Final Killing Game, Kyoko remains in a coma for two weeks battling the poison. She wakes up to a Future Foundation in chaos from the ramifications of the incident and wants nothing more than to help lead the efforts as head of the 14th Division. But still suffering from the aftereffects of the poison, she struggles to recover while pushing herself to organize the foundation, not realizing there's a limit to what she mentally take.DR3 Rewrite-ish AU. Celestia is alive and part of the Future Foundation. Celesgiri because that's my brand!
Relationships: Kirigiri Kyoko/Celestia Ludenberg
Comments: 6
Kudos: 67





	1. Awakening

1:34 P.M. It was cloudy, the sky tainted a rusty burgundy color. The dark afternoon gleamed through the slits of the window, shining bars of dim light onto the white sheets of the hospital bed. The detective laid there, having been awake only a few hours. It had been an improvement from the last few days. Having not been long since she first woke, it was a slow process coming out of her coma. She found herself able to keep her eyes open for only a few minutes at a time. She’d close them back and try to focus on her breathing to keep her awake. The moments between unconsciousness and consciousness blurred considerably, her memory hazy enough to make her thoughts feel like dreams. All she could feel was the IVs in her arms, the pulsating in her afflicted arm, and the occasional pounding in her head. Only sometimes would she find herself completely aware of her surroundings.

In those few instances she would strain to note the layout of the mostly empty room around her. All she could make of it was that she knew she was in the 4th Division building, likely the dorms they had attempted to convert into hospital rooms. She had been there a few times to check on the condition of injured rescues or other members. She also knew this from the nurses that came inside the room occasionally. They reminded her of Seiko... who was now dead, according to her memory. The nurses checked on her and spoke to her, and she found herself replying as much as she could. But her unfocused state made it hard to remember just what she said, or what was happening. It was in one of these semi-conscious states that an unfamiliar sound managed to catch her attention. Three short wooden raps, before a door opened slowly. The sound of the creaking metal made the detective lift her head some. In its frame, she saw someone she had longed to see since she first woke. Taeko.

The former gambler stepped inside, soft red eyes meeting one intensely focused purple eye. Her face was filled with concern, and some hints of guilt. She spoke the detective’s name, which seemed to stumble out of her lips in an awkward fashion. Kyoko didn’t realize how much she had needed to hear it. She needed to be sure of at least one thing, even if it was just her own name. The detective didn’t speak back, possessed still with other uncertainties and not knowing what to say. She just blinked over and over until Celestia was at her side. There was a short seat next to her bed, and the former gambler quickly took it. Silence spread between the two, as Celestia’s eyes trailed along the ground and the white bedsheets. They never quite made it to Kyoko’s unpatched eye again as they did when she first came in. Kyoko would’ve asked what was wrong and comment that it was unlike Celestia, but she didn’t have much room to speak. In fact, she could barely speak. There was some sort of blockage that stopped any number of thoughts from turning into words.

“How are you feeling?” The words came out, sullen and quiet. The detective took her time to gather the will to reply.

“...fine,” she mumbled, voice somewhat hoarse. Celestia smirked at that.

“You’d say that even in a hospital bed, wouldn’t you?” Kyoko could only stare in reply, so Celestia looked down. “I’m just happy that you’re alive.” She fumbled with her finger claw. “We didn’t know if you’d make it…”

“Is everyone... okay?” She looked up, before realizing Kyoko had no idea what had occurred after her supposed death in the killing game. The detective was probably desperate to know what happened.

“As far as I know, yes. But all of our division heads—besides the 13th, Ryota, and you—died in the killing game. The only other exception was Munakata, but he left the Future Foundation.”

“I see…” The memories of the killing game came back to Kyoko in a rush, as she thought about all of the deaths and the secret behind the videos and the motives. It was enough to overwhelm her head into pounding a bit at the thought, no longer used to the amount of stress it brought. She furrowed her brow in pain, and Celestia examined her expression.

“I didn’t know the killing game had even happened until I came back from my assignment. It’s hard to believe so much could change in such short time.” Celestia frowned softly, her eyes trailing the floor. The former gambler hadn’t been at all privy to the events of the killing game until recent. While she was a part of the 14th Division, her jobs tended to be negotiating between the other divisions; resolving conflicts and straightening out unruly members. Because of this she was often away from the others, and had been on such an assignment when Makoto was put up for trial. It was an awful surprise to come back to the news of a final killing game having taken place—with much of the organization’s leadership now dead, and Kyoko of all people almost fatally poisoned and comatose. 

“Yeah…” The detective blinked slowly. It was awfully exhausting to do even the slightest things, something which she resented. She almost felt too tired to process the information, and too tired to speak more. Her eyes closed for a full ten seconds before opening again. She wanted to shift to a more comfortable position, but could only sit there and curse herself mentally. Celestia watched the detective and found herself frowning. She could just sense that the detective was struggling in her weakened state. She could only imagine how frustrated Kyoko was—she knew she was the type of person who could barely take the time to rest even when pushed to her limit. The former gambler wanted to talk to her more; she wanted to tell Kyoko everything that had happened and hear about the killing game, but she knew Kyoko was too worn out.

“Alright… I think I’ll leave you be for now. I’m sure you need as much rest as you can get.” Kyoko frowned at hearing that. She wanted Celestia to stay. But she knew there wasn’t much point—all the detective could do was lay there. She had already been up for a few hours, and could feel increasing lethargy coming back to her. “I’ll come see you again tomorrow.”

“...okay.” The former gambler quickly stood up from her chair, but paused a moment to look at Kyoko. She sighed out stressedly, a pale hand reaching out to softly cup the detective’s cheek. Her eyes stared deep into Kyoko’s just for a few moments.

“I love you, dear.”

“I love you too.” Celestia smiled in response and broke away from her. With nothing more to say, she quickly left the room. Kyoko watched her go, before turning her head back to rest on the pillow. Her eyes closed, and she sighed out slowly through the exhaustion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey thanks for reading!! If you like this lemme know! Also don't worry I actually have chapters written in advance so I Will update very soon promise !


	2. Recovering

Kyoko couldn’t stay up for long before needing to rest again. Over the course of days this got better, to the point where she could finally stay awake for most of the day. But she still remained in bed, feeling too weak to get up. Initially, even pushing herself to sitting up came at a great strain. Having been comatose for two weeks, her body degenerated in ways that she didn’t realize. It felt almost as if her joints had stiffened to the point of locking up, not to mention the loss in muscle mass that made even the simplest movements feel difficult and strenuous. And in some ways, it made the detective feel miserably weak. She knew there wasn’t much she could do about it. 

After a few more days, Kyoko felt well enough to sit up in bed and talk to Celestia for more than a few minutes at a time. Makoto and Hina came to visit as well one morning, and they told her about what happened after her poisoning. The Future Foundation was now in the hands of the 14th Division. The detective was surprised and somewhat frustrated at hearing the perpetrator of the Final Killing Game was the founder himself. She was glad that her former classmates managed to make it out alive, but there were still many deaths behind the event—lives that could never be brought back. And being among one of the ones that broke their NG code and was supposed to be fatally poisoned, only to somehow hang onto life until they had an antidote was a miracle. The detective knew she should’ve been more than grateful for this second chance at life, but found herself somewhat afflicted with guilt. 

It was something that managed to plague her thoughts for the hours she spent awake and alone in the bed. Days felt like months, with there being virtually nothing to distract her from the slow crawl of time. All she could think of was the events of the killing game, and what the future could possibly hold. Knowing that not even the Future Foundation was immune to despair brought up a well of anxiety within the detective—they would have to be extremely cautious of their own organization. And the scars the game left—the likely marred and tainted purple skin underneath her bandaged arm and the patch that covered her eye—were only reminders of it. Constant ones, so similar to the scars that would never fade from her hands. She had promised so long ago she would never let closeness cloud her judgement and that she would never trust so deeply again. But somehow, she managed to fail and ended up with more memories. And something in her had a feeling they wouldn’t easily fade.

It was about a week after her waking that she was able to stand and walk again. The purple discoloration along her arms had faded mostly, but the damage had affected the nerves in her left arm, rendering them useless until they repaired, which would be a long, slow process. Not impossible, but something that would require a bit of extensive therapy. Her arm was bandaged and kept in a sling, to make it easier for the detective to move around. The patch that had protected her eye was finally removed, as it was decided the damage from the poison had healed enough. But it left her eye discolored; a milky white void that lacked visible pupil or iris. The damage inflicted there was more permanent, and the detective found her vision would remain on some level impaired because of it. A cloudiness constantly invaded her left eye—something that bothered her to no end. But she would have to learn to function with it.

The nurses there decided that she was well enough to be discharged, but still needed to rest for most of the day at a time. She was taken back to the 14th Division, where they had rooms set up almost dormitory-like for the members of the foundation. Getting to return to her bed was surprisingly comforting. She had at least that to distract her from her current situation, and other members of the division would bring her meals occasionally. She was well enough to stand but not for long, so she couldn't go outside of the room. The most Kyoko could do was sit at her desk, which was an exhausting task on it's own. It did allow her to look through the few papers she kept in her desk, but they weren't much use to her what with the current state of the organization.

* * *

A knock resounded on the detective’s door. She sat up in bed, head propped against bunches of pillows. The sound made her shift, and in the next few moments the door opened very slowly. An ahoge peeked in, before a certain luckster’s head followed it. 

“Kyoko?” Their gaze met, Makoto quickly smiling in response. “Oh, you’re awake!” He stepped inside and closed the door behind her.

“Makoto...” He came to her side, and the detective attempted to sit up more.

“Hey, how are you?”

“I’m fine,” she answered quickly. Her eyes trailed down to her bandaged arm. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing! Just wanted to see how you were doing. I’m sure it’s not great to have to stay here so much.”

“...yeah. I’d rather not be in bed with everything that’s going on.”

“But you have to rest, so you shouldn’t worry about it.” He smiled widely, reassuringly. “Hina, Byakuya, and I are working to make sure everything goes right. Celes is around too now so I think everything will be okay!” Kyoko watched him. She had almost forgotten what the smile that’s supposed to inspire hope looked like. It was a little motivational, but she still had her anxieties.

“That’s good. But even so, as the leader of the division, I should be involved in what’s happening. It’s difficult to not know what’s going on.” Kyoko looked away, pulling her arm closer to herself. Makoto frowned in response.

“Well... I can tell you what we’ve been up to, if it’ll help you some?” Kyoko raised her gaze, and cracked a soft smile.

“If you don’t mind, I would appreciate it. I think it’d put me a little more at ease.” At the sight of the detective’s smile, Makoto lit up and began to tell her everything he could. Kyoko listened intently he began to explain how the organization had been attempting to recover from the effects of the killing game. Many of the divisions lost their leader, and so the most trusted, second-in-line members stepped up to assist. The 14th Division was chosen to lead at the request of the members of the 1st Division, so the two groups worked together to decide how to move forward from the killing game. The 12th Division worked to rebuild the Future Foundation headquarters, while the 14th Division worked with a few others to spread the news of the Future Foundation’s suppression of the Remnants of Despair after the killing game. Makoto asked Mikan to remain at the foundation to watch over the few that were affected by the killing game. The 4th Division was held to absolute secrecy, and worked with the former nurse to take care of the members involved, including Kyoko.

The most important event happening was a large-scale merger being organized between the 14th Division and the remaining leaders. It was decided the Future Foundation was too low on members and strong leadership to exist divided into so many divisions, and that a few would be combined to create a stronger organization. It was taking a lot of planning deciding which divisions would combine. How they would reorganize would depend on common objectives, as well as proximity and ease of transition—which were all being assessed and discussed among the few members in charge of the project; which included Makoto, Togami, and Hina. Makoto went into more explicit detail, and Kyoko realized the breadth in which the organization was affected by a killing game that lasted only maybe a full day. A stronger sense of urgency possessed her, and she felt the need to step back up as the head. She grimaced softly at knowing it would be awfully difficult to be of any assistance in her current state. But she still felt compelled to do something—even if against the wishes and suggestions of those around her.


	3. Fleeting

11:23 P.M. The building was empty, all of the workers having retired to their rooms or found someplace else to spend their night. The cubicles were dark and the offices locked, except for one, which remained dimly lit by the only lamp in there. It sat on the desk next to the stacks of papers and the few folders which sat ready to organize them. Kyoko sat hunched over at the chair of the desk. She had waited until late to come into the office and found the assortment of files left there. They all related to the things Makoto spoke of and came from most of the various divisions. It seemed like Makoto and Togami had been working on some of them, but the detective examined them anyway to try and get a full understanding of what their division had been dealing with. 

It was a bit difficult, what with Kyoko having already found herself afflicted with a need for sleep. Her arm was still at a point where it couldn’t be moved much, so she rested it on the desk as she used her other hand to leaf through the files. It was awkward, adjusting her limited vision what with her ruined eye, and they burned from strain and tiredness. It had gotten to the point where she habitually found herself closing her eyes for a few moments, just to alleviate the pain. Shaky sighs escaped her lips ever so often, but she couldn’t stop what she was doing—she had to be of some help to the Future Foundation.

But the strain was too much for her. Soon she couldn’t focus, barely keeping her eyes open as she held herself up by leaning onto her right arm. But soon that gave out and slid, her head coming to gently rest on the desk. Her body refused to let her sit up, or move and adjust much. The only thing she could do was try to stare, but her vision only let her see her bandaged arm and the desk itself. She blinked over and over again, a thousand times in attempts to keep herself awake. But she couldn’t even gather the strength to lift her head. Within a few moments, everything gave out and faded to black.

It wasn’t until the next day that she was found. Hina stumbled upon her early morning, and almost cried out in surprise. But at realizing it was Kyoko she rushed to her side, shaking the shoulder of the detective.

“Kyoko... Kyoko?” A soft grumble left Kyoko’s lips, as she slowly opened her eyes. Her head pounded, and she squinted to come back to the sight of herself lying atop the files she had been examining the night before. With all the strength she could muster, she leaned on her good arm to push herself up to sitting. Hina watched her worriedly. “You shouldn’t be up so late looking at stuff!”

“...it wasn’t late. I just fell asleep.”

“Still though! I thought you need to be resting?” The detective blinked wearily. “You don’t look all that great. You gotta go back to bed, alright? I’ll help you up.” Kyoko was in no position to refuse. She felt worse than the night before. Her body ached from sleeping in such a strange position and she couldn’t help but feel dizzy. Hina offered a shoulder and hand, and helped the detective to standing. It was then that she realized just how weak she had gotten—requiring assistance to even stand properly. She needed to lean on the walls of the building hallways to get to her office without stumbling too much the night before, but it stung worse making this obvious to a person. Even if it was someone she trusted as much as Hina. She furrowed a brow in discontentment as she walked along with the swimmer, who helped her back to her dorm room. 

The detective remained there for the rest of the day, thoughts heavy with last night’s paperwork. She had many ideas she wanted to discuss with her former classmates, things she wanted to tell them to help them smooth out the process of the large-scale merge. But she couldn’t, feeling too fatigued to do much beyond sit up and study the room around her for the hundredth time. She found herself nodding in and out of consciousness throughout the day, at least being able to take comfort in the fact that she felt more awake after each time. 

At some point during the day, she found she had a visitor. Three solid knocks let her know that it was likely Celestia, and the former gambler stepped into the room just as Kyoko had suspected she would. With her, she had a plate. The detective hadn’t eaten all day so she found herself somewhat relieved at the sight of it. Celestia walked over to her side, with a smile that felt almost a bit pained.

“Hey…” she spoke softly. “I brought you something.” Kyoko moved the covers off of her lap, slowly turning to sit on the edge of her bed. Once she was settled, the former gambler handed her the plate. She took it with her right hand and set it down in her lap. Celestia grabbed the nearby chair from Kyoko’s desk and rolled it over to sit next to her.

“...thank you.” Celestia nodded silently in response, and silence reigned between the two for a few minutes.

“How have you been feeling?” she finally asked.

“Not bad,” she mumbled. “Just sort of tired.”

“Yeah… Hina told me she found you asleep at your desk this morning.” The detective closed her eyes slowly at the sound of that. Celestia just sighed at her. “You know you shouldn’t be working.”

“I just wanted to see how things were progressing with all of the projects that are happening.”

“That’s why you ask one of us. You can’t stay up going through all the papers; there’s too many of them and that’s too much work for one person.” The former gambler stood to retrieve the empty plate off of Kyoko’s lap and place it on the desk. She then took a seat next to Kyoko instead of on the chair, placing a gentle hand on the detective’s good shoulder. “Especially one person that should be resting.” Kyoko glanced down at her bandaged arm and grimaced.

“I can’t just stay in bed all the time,” she grumbled. “What’s the point of me sitting around when so much is happening now?”

“The point is so that you can recover. Once you’re feeling better then you can help all you want—well, within reason…” The detective’s grimace only deepened, she stared into her lap as her thoughts trailed off. She felt so helpless, so useless. Celestia watched her expression. “I know it’s tough for you, but you have to learn when to take a break, okay? It’ll only hurt you more in the end.” Kyoko’s eye twitched slightly at hearing that.

“...okay. I’ll try.” Celestia smiled brightly.

“Good.” The former gambler leaned in to plant a quick kiss on the detective’s lips, before standing up and walking over to the desk. She picked up the plate and began to head towards the door. “Now get some rest, dear. I’ll see you later on today.” Kyoko could only nod softly in reply as the door quickly shut, leaving her alone again.


	4. Reflecting

To be left alone was one of the most difficult things Kyoko could endure. She was left vulnerable to the working of her own thoughts, which never seemed to travel down a bright path. If not filled with concern for the project at hand, they lingered towards the events of the killing game. There was nothing she could’ve done about the deaths she witnessed; it was set up to happen that way. But for every corpse she remembered stumbling upon and having to investigate for the sake of discovering the secrets behind the deaths, she couldn’t help but feel a sense of guilt that their lives were lost—especially being among one of those who broke the NG Code she had. She should've been among them. But she wasn’t. She was very much alive, somehow lucky enough to receive the antidote before she had been comatose long enough to join the victims.

And it didn’t feel fair. It felt awful, the feelings lingering back to the days after the Killing School Life. The transition from the killing game to living everyday life was a rough one. She remembered when they stepped out of Hope’s Peak into a ruined world; the sky was bloody red, everything around them looking destroyed and desolated. It was an actual apocalyptic sight, one that struck fear into each of the hearts of the survivors. They had hoped so desperately that Junko was lying to them, but she wasn't. And they had to move forward from it, but it wasn’t long before they were found. The Future Foundation recruited them and they began their new lives as members, fighting to fix the extensive damage despair had wreaked upon the world. The detective shut her eyes for just a moment as she remembered one of their first days there.

* * *

“And this will be your living quarters. The divisions all have their offices and dorms connected, seeing as it’s the easiest way to go about housing all of you!” The orange-haired woman walked down the halls of the Future Foundation building, the survivors of the killing game trailing behind her lively step. Chisa quickly turned a corner and stopped upon four doors, each facing the other. “But we are a little cramped for space, so you guys don’t mind pairing up, do you? There’s four rooms but uh… ones for storage!” The students, who had been mostly silently along the ten minute tour of the building they were staying in—which was a culmination of a few more divisions as well—looked to each other at the sound of those words. Kyoko’s eyes met Celestia’s first, and the two seemed to nod in an unspoken understanding. The other four looked in various places and at various people, which didn’t escape the eyes of Chisa. “Well, the boys can pair up, and it seems like you two wouldn’t mind each other,” she said while glancing at Kyoko and Celestia, “so that just leaves the other two girls! That work for everyone?”

“S-sure...!” Makoto said, everyone else giving various replies of agreement. Toko was the only one without one, and just frowned at Hina’s nervous smile.

“Perfect! Now pick a room and get settled in; I’ll see if I can't get a few guys down here to make sure you have everything you need. I’ll be back in a bit!” The former housekeeper hurried off down the hall and out of sight, and the survivors glanced around awkwardly. They still weren’t entirely sure how to handle their current situation.

“Well, w-we’re not getting anywhere by just s-standing around here...” Toko murmured. Her words reached everyone, who broke out of their oddly cathartic trance.

“Right! We should pick rooms,” Makoto suggested.

“Well if no one else would like to take first choice, I believe this one would be my preference,” Celestia said, gesturing to the nearest door down the hall. “Is that alright with you, Kyoko?” The detective crossed her arms.

“That’s fine.” Silence lingered for a few seconds following, until the former swimmer piped up.

“Toko and I can take the room on the right over there!” She pointed to it, drawing everyone’s line of sight.

“Then Makoto and I will take the last room,” Togami finished. “Seems simple enough.” He began to walk off towards it, and everyone watched for a few moments before the former lucky student began to follow. At that signal, everyone retired to their respective rooms.

* * *

Recovering from the aftereffects of The Tragedy wasn’t easy. Kyoko was named the leader of the newly-created 14th Division; Public Relations. It wasn’t the sort of thing she was an expert in—in fact, she was one of the least social of the survivors. But she had Makoto, Hagakure, and Togami to work with. Hina was placed in the 13th Division, and Celestia was named a representative of the foundation, specifically for the purpose of resolving conflict between other divisions. They soon found out that the Future Foundation ran on somewhat poor organization and was a bit disheveled—having its fair share of infighting from differing opinions on how to move towards their ultimate objective.

And this caused problems for everyone. Kyoko was consulted by Munakata and many other Future Foundation members on matters that required extensive analysis and critical thinking. This was in part to her detective prowess being on full display during the trials of the Killing School Life. Most of the foundation was forced to watch the game unfold before them. She managed to uncover most of the secrets of the academy, being able to steal the master key and gain access to the files hidden in the secret room on the second floor. She even beat the mastermind at their own game, coercing them into having a final trial that would decide their fate. It was the riskiest gamble of all, but it paid off in full and saved the survivors of the killing game. This wasn’t without the help of Makoto of course, who used what clues Kyoko discovered to help completely solve the mystery of the academy. He also pulled the remainder of the class together with his unshakeable optimism, saving them from total despair. But Kyoko was the one credited with being the brains that saved the students, and so many foundation members turned to her for bits of assistance. This created stress upon her that kept her constantly preoccupied.

After the Killing School Life, Kyoko was plagued with its horrors, along with the rest of the survivors. Everyone was coping with it in different ways, and Kyoko only found she could drown her thoughts in work. It was how she had dealt with everything since she was a young child. She began to remember the first time she felt true grief—when her mother passed. Her heart felt as if it had shattered and a hole had been ripped in her soul, leaving an emptiness her mother once occupied. Made only worse by the fact that she could’ve seen her in her last moments, but her grandfather refused to take her back home. The case he was using to train her was far too important to him. After she returned to find her mother having already passed, she felt broken. Time and time again she’d suddenly find herself upset, completely aware of losing one of the things most precious to her.

The pain of it hindered her work and left her distracted and in tears, but in every moment of that she was told to focus. To get over it. To complete her work. And slowly yet surely she learned that her tears only earned her punishment, disappointment, and reprimanding. So when she felt those moments coming, she held back the tears. She bit her lip and frowned, repeating what she was busy reading over and over in her head until those thoughts faded away. She couldn’t feel those things, she didn’t want to be a failure, disgrace the Kirigiri name, and disappoint her grandfather. He was all she had left, after her father had gone and she was told he used her mother’s death as a reason to abandon her. She believed her grandfather’s words wholeheartedly, and was desperate to do her best so she wouldn’t be abandoned once again. She made a habit of pushing down her emotions, and soon those thoughts wouldn’t even reach her, having built up a wall that subconsciously suppressed them before they could even begin to affect her.

And this is how Kyoko lived her life. It was how she always had. That’s why nothing in the first killing game seemed to phase her. It did of course, it was awful. She couldn’t even remember how shaken she was internally having to watch her classmate get battered and stoned to death with baseballs. The bruises, welts, and blood… the limbs that bent slightly the wrong way from having broken form the impact and the brutally disfigured face of the baseball player was something hard to wipe from her memories. It was the first true moment where she realized the killing game was real. Even Sayaka’s corpse seemed fake up until then, like you could pull out the prop knife and she could stand up and walk around as alive as ever. But no. Both of them were dead, and their corpses, along with the rest of her soon-to-be-deceased classmates, were burned into her memory forever.

And she had a hard time with it. She couldn’t believe it was real sometimes. When she slept in the 14th Division building occasionally the detective found herself bolting awake, grabbing the darkness for hopes that she could turn on a lamp and find herself in her room at the Kirigiri estate, safe. She hoped she could just glance down at the Hope’s Peak invitation sitting on her desk and realize she was just riddled with the bad dreams that her brain conjured up in order to protect her from all uncertainties. But she couldn’t. She had already attended, forgotten a year's worth of memories, watched as her classmates killed each other, and then investigated and convicted them in trial, sending them to their own deaths as well.

In those moments Celestia would wake up too, mostly being a light sleeper. She would talk to the frazzled detective in the darkness, comforting and reassuring her with her words. She was only returning the favor, seeing as Kyoko had walked in on the gambler in tears a few times before. The killing game had taken its toll on her just as heavily. Since then Celestia struggled to hold on to the persona she had worked so hard to maintain. She felt she had to, it was all she had left. As part of the Future Foundation she couldn’t put to use the one skill she had banked everything on. If she never had her ability to gamble, she would’ve been the Taeko Yasuhiro she hated so much all of her life. She relied on her one talent to help her turn herself into someone new, someone better than herself that was everything she wished she could be. But now it was all gone again. Especially with the state of the world—she felt all the more weak and defenseless. She felt completely vulnerable, the way Taeko was. And she hated it.

The two found themselves bonding through their shared suffering. All of the survivors became particularly close with each other through having experienced such an awful killing game. They rarely spoke about it but their feelings were connected subconsciously, and each of them found comfort more in the presence of the other survivors than anyone else. This is why even Hina spent as much time around the 14th Division as she could, even though she wasn’t assigned there. The same went for Celestia. But through this, Kyoko and Celestia specifically found themselves growing a strong attachment to each other. Though they didn’t talk to each other much at all in the presence of the rest of the class during the killing game, the two had their fair share of conversations in the days between the motives being revealed and murders occurring. Their conversations were odd to an outside listener, from the gambler going on about something vaguely related to the killing game and it’s morality with the detective weighing in on it to discussing simpler matters, like novels. Or the two would just sit in silence. Celestia had to admit at the time that she found the detective quite interesting. Kyoko on the other hand was curious herself, finding the gambler’s personality intriguing, but more than anything silently appreciated having another presence around. 

So it wasn’t all that odd that the two would look to each other when they survivors needed to pair off, and it wasn’t very strange of them to slowly open up and comfort one another as they attempted to deal with the emotional scars the killing game left on them. And over the year or so since, the two became so close they started to feel as if they truly loved one another. They never sat down and said to themselves that they were dating, or girlfriends, but their love ran much deeper than friendship and the two were entirely aware of that. They showed it through little phrases and notions they wouldn't share with anyone else, but not much beyond that. There felt no need for anything more. And there wasn't much time for more either, what with the world's ruin preoccupying most of their time.

And so to find herself thrown back into the uncertain jaws of a killing game, just when the detective felt she was moving on from the first one, was nothing short of jarring. She remembered those old feelings rising back up with the Neo World Program going wrong, and having to go to Jabberwock Island to save the remainder of the students from the virus-infected program. Kyoko couldn't help but feel awful for the survivors, what with the majority of the class being comatose for an indeterminate amount of time. She suspected those feelings would go back down, but then the Final Killing Game happened. She could barely even process that it was real. The only way she found herself making it through the game was relying on pure logic and trying not to think about how what was occurring was very much real. She focused solely on the strategy and the evidence and how others were playing the killing game. By fixating on the truth she ignored the realism of the rest of the situation, knowing that if it hit her it would render her useless and unable to function. Her survival instincts were the only thing that kept her going, most all emotion or real thought being suppressed to keep her sane.

That emotion only really came back to her with Kizakura. That man who kept following her around and complaining about his dislike of detectives. Though at first she couldn’t help but be a bit annoyed by his comments, something about him seemed nostalgic. The moment where he opened his hand to save Kyoko from falling to her assured death, breaking the NG code and subsequently killing himself, was the one time she felt a crack of emotion, a sliver of grief burrowing it’s way into her heart. She wasn’t sure why he had done it—but she had her suspicions. Even through this the detective steeled her emotions and did her best to focus on surviving the game as long as she could.

But now she was left defenseless; laying in bed, gazing up into the blankness of the walls as she relived all of the moments she had stowed away in the back of her mind. She felt plagued with them almost, wanting nothing more than to not think at all, and so attempted to lure herself to sleep time and time again. But every time she failed. Something would flash through her head. Her eyes burned and her head pounded. All she wanted was rest. She couldn’t even help with the Future Foundation’s recovery process no matter how much she wanted to, so she least she could do was sleep to escape being so aware of how completely useless she was. But she couldn’t. Escaping from her own thoughts was futile, seeing as she was too weak to even work on anything, to be at all of help—which made her feel even guiltier and ashamed. As the leader of the 14th Division, one of the only division leaders left, she should be standing up and taking charge, but she could barely sit up in her office chair and work for more than an hour without feeling how debilitatingly weak she had become. It was an awful fate. She felt trapped in herself, unable to do anything to keep her own thoughts at bay. It was a slow torture that left her staring deep into the darkness, making memories out of the shadows in her room and feeling the time inch slowly by.


	5. Imparting

The door to Kyoko’s room creaked open. It was mid-morning from what the detective could tell. At the sound of the door she looked over, finding Celestia there. The former gambler peeked in quietly to see if she were awake. She met eyes with Kyoko, which invited her to quickly step in and close the door. 

“Morning, dear,” she began.

“...hey.” It had been a few days since Kyoko had last seen her. She knew Celestia had to be away, especially with times as turbulent as these. The detective couldn’t help but miss her, but only quietly watched as she put down a rather large bag by her own bed, before walking over and once again grabbing the chair from the desk. She placed it by the bed and sat down, unable to suppress a tired sigh, but found herself smiling as she looked into Kyoko's eyes, even if just weakly. “Long trip?”

“Yeah. Felt longer than it was.” Kyoko nodded softly in response and tried to sit up, pressing her right arm into the bed to push up from it. The former gambler moved to standing. “Oh, do you need help—”

“No.” Kyoko stopped for a second. “No I’m… I’m fine.” Celestia frowned and sat back down as she watched Kyoko push herself up to sitting. By now she had recovered to the point of being able to do most things by herself, but still found it somewhat of a challenge to move about in the mornings. The detective sighed out as she sat back on the pillow but could now get a better look at Celestia. 

“Right… well, how have you been?”

“Fine, I guess. Not much has changed.” Celestia hummed softly in thought.

“You’ve gotten breakfast, correct?”

“Yes. Hina brought it to me.”

“Good, good.” Silence opened up between the two. Kyoko’s gaze traveled past Celestia, who found herself staring at the wall with a frown. She stood up, walking around the bed to open the curtains. Light filtered into the bleak room, making it easier for the two to see each other. “That’s better, isn’t it?”

“Mm… yeah.” Celestia sat back down quickly. “How did it go?” She raised a brow, as she processed Kyoko’s question.

“Not all that... smoothly, I should say. Merging divisions proved to be a bit more difficult than I thought.”

“What happened?” Celestia paused for a moment, knowing that telling Kyoko about the status of the process would leave her wanting even more to get back to work as soon as possible. But sparing her the details might be even more cruel, so she sighed and began to speak. 

“At the moment we’re attempting to bring the 2nd and 6th division together, seeing as the 6th division could technically be a part of the already established peacekeeping force in the 2nd division.”

“That would make sense. Policing and peacekeeping go hand in hand.” The former gambler nodded.

“Yes, however… the 2nd division is at odds with the 6th division because of their tactics. They feel the 6th division is too… brute, I suppose, and that they shouldn’t expand because it would confuse their purpose.”

“That’s surprising… I would think Juzo and Kyousuke’s divisions would better understand each other," she said, frowned in thought.

“I think it has been harder to unify the ideas of each division with their leaders now gone. It’s almost as if they’re tearing themselves apart inside out… it’s trouble, to say the least. It’s why I was kept so long, and we haven’t come to common ground just yet.”

“I see… I’ve been around the 2nd division quite a few times. And I’m no stranger to negotiating. I could help.” Celestia met eyes with Kyoko’s stare, which was some strange mix of determination and desperation. She knew how badly she wanted to do anything besides lay in bed, her pleading gaze bringing up a well of angst in the former gambler’s heart. Kyoko had never looked like that before.

“I know you could,” she sighed, crossing her arms. “But like I said, I’d rather you not push yourself to deal with things like this right now.” The detective’s frown deepened as bit her lip, staring down and attempting to hide her sadness at Celestia’s answer.

“...I understand. I’d probably hinder more than help in a state like this.”

“Wait no—Kyoko… that isn’t what I mean.”

“But it’s true. I’m useless right now. I can’t do anything, I know I can’t.” There was a pause between the two, as Celestia looked for both a solution and a response. Gently, she placed a hand on Kyoko’s arm.

“Yes, I don’t want you to push yourself to deal with the mess the foundation’s in right now, but that doesn’t make you useless. You just need rest.”

“It’s been weeks though—” Her voice died down. “—without much improvement.” The former gambler’s stare became downcast at hearing that. Both of them were painfully aware of how long it was taking Kyoko to recover. Granted, she was on the brink of death not too long ago, but being in bed every day was just a reminder of how long it would take to fully recover.

“I know… but I’d say you were much better than when I first saw you after everything. Now you can lift your head.” Kyoko raised a brow at Celestia, before smiling slightly and nodding.

“I suppose.”

“But I do understand. I know it must be awful staying in here all day.” The detective silently agreed. “...what if we took a walk?”

“Hm?”

“A walk, just the two of us. We can go around the division for a little bit, to get you out of the room.” The detective perked up a little at that, raising her eyes hopefully.

“I think that’d be a good idea.”

“Yes, I can help if needed.”

“...yeah, thank you.”

Celestia helped Kyoko with getting ready, out of bed and properly dressed for the occasion. It was a slow process, hindered by the detective’s general soreness and reduced ability to move. Her arm, along with most of her left side was stiff and tight, her muscles contracting painfully if stressed too much. Compiled with the general soreness and occasional shooting pains it was a struggle to get anything done, especially once it came to getting dressed. But Celestia helped her with that part, offering herself as support to keep Kyoko steady and gently getting her arms through the dress shirt. She would’ve felt shame and weakness at needing so much assistance, but tried to not focus deeply on those feelings and instead focus her attention on their conversation, which had trailed back to the mergers.

“What other divisions are combining?”

“The biggest one we’re trying to work on is between the 8th, the 11th, and the 13th,” Celestia explained as she buttoned up Kyoko’s shirt for her. “...since they’re already food and agriculture-related..”

“Right, that makes sense. The only problem would be the distance between their locations.”

“Yes, we’ve been running into that problem. The food procurement and distribution divisions both have large-scale storage facilities, but it’s next to impossible to move the agriculture division since they’re established on some of the only arable land around. I think that formally we should merge them all but physically only have the 8th and 13th combine.” The detective hummed softly.

“Yeah… that makes sense.” The former gambler nodded and was quiet for a few moments as Celestia finished the top button on her shirt. She smiled and stood up from the bed, going over to her own bed to grab her bag. The detective leaned over to put on her shoes, slowly zipping them up. She stood up, taking a moment to steady herself before walking over to join Celestia.

“Are you ready, dear?”

“Yes, I am.”

As Celestia promised, the two finally left the room together and began down the hall of the building. Kyoko already felt a bit of relief at being outside of her room. Seeing her workplace was oddly comforting at a time like this. There was silence between the two of them but it was nowhere near awkward. It was just peaceful, and odd but pleasant sort of peaceful.

But it wasn’t long before they ran into others. As they walked into the cubicle-filled space, two figures approached from the hall perpendicular to the one they emerged from. Kyoko didn’t exactly see them, what with her current lack of peripheral vision in her left eye, but followed Celestia’s head turn. It was Makoto and Byakuya. The former lucky student walked over faster at the sight of the two of them, holding a small plastic tub full of manila folders in his arms.

“Hey!” He stopped right in front of them. “I’m glad to see you guys.” Byakuya joined them a few moments later.

“You’re back from negotiations, I presume?” Byakuya asked. Celestia nodded in reply.

“Are you feeling any better, Kyoko?”

“...somewhat,” she replied.

“That’s good! I’ve been sort of worried about how you were doing.”

“I’m fine, Makoto. Don’t worry.” Celestia frowned and crossed your arms.

“I hope neither of you are getting any bright ideas. Kyoko may be up but that doesn't mean she can go back to work so early.”

“Oh—Oh yeah, no, of course! Just glad to see her and stuff, you know?”

“And it would be foolish to ask you to work right now,” Byakuya said. “There's not much that can be done if you aren't well.” It was silent between the four of them for a moment.

“Yeah… but that’s not a bad thing! Rest is just important right now.”

"Indeed it is." Makoto glanced over at Celestia.

“But um, I was wondering… how did it go with talking out the ideas with them?” he asked. The immediate frown and sigh was response enough.

“As well as you could imagine. There’s a few different things keeping either division from agreeing on the general plan.” He frowned.

“I had a feeling…”

“I don’t think that’s very surprising. There’s always been problems between the two, even when they had leaders,” Byakuya noted. Celestia nodded in response, but noticed something as she did so.

“I can discuss it with both of you in more detail in just a bit.”

“Yeah… Byakuya and I were in the middle of looking through some files anyway so we can go over it after that.” Makoto turned and started off down the row of cubicles, Byakuya following him.

“...can we go to my office?” Kyoko suddenly asked.

“Yes, of course.” Luckily it wasn’t far. The two walked inside, Celestia holding the door for Kyoko. The detective sighed once she was inside and quickly took a seat in her chair. Celestia shut the door behind them. “Are you alright, dear?” Kyoko sat there, leaned over a bit as she furrowed her brow and shut her eyes for a few moments. 

“I’m fine,” she murmured. “I felt dizzy for a few moments.” Celestia walked over and half-sat on the desk next to her.

“I can tell the difference between hurt and dizzy, you know.” She sighed out softly. “You’re in pain, dear. I know you are.” Kyoko looked downwards. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m getting shooting pains… in my arm again. And my leg as well.” Celestia raised her brows in surprise.

“Wait here, I’ll go get you what you need.” She had left the room before Kyoko could say more, so she just looked down and bit her lip, shutting her eyes tightly. Luckily, it only took about three minutes for Celestia to return, with a glass of water and bottle. Kyoko turned a bit to see her as she emptied three pills into her palm.

“Alright, dear…” She passed them to Kyoko, along with the water to help. Kyoko sighed as she put the empty cup down.

“Thank you,” she said softly. Celestia went back to leaning on the desk, arms crossed through the few moments of silence they had. “...we haven’t even been out that long. I’m sorry.” The former gambler turned to look at her.

“For what? That’s nothing you need to worry about right now.” The detective frowned in response, her gaze trailing along the desk as she leaned on it with her good arm and shut her eyes. The room filled with a silence that seemed to drag on, turning a few minutes into what felt like an hour. Once those few minutes passed Kyoko sat up again, feeling the medicine slowly start to take effect. She turned her chair a bit, facing the part of her desk that was left messy from the papers she had collapsed on days before. The sight of it had been bothering her so she picked some up, attempting to sort them. Celestia glanced over at her before standing up fully. “Wait, you're in pain, let me help—”

“No, I’m fine. I can take care of some things myself.” The former gambler blinked, Kyoko’s weak but direct words silencing her. She frowned and went back to where she was before, now twiddling with the lock of hair, twisting it about her finger the way she usually did when nervous or bored. The only sound in the room was the shuffling of papers, Kyoko leafing through and stacking them atop the meticulous piles she had knocked over before. There was a tension that seemed thick enough to be palpable. Kyoko was entirely absorbed in her task so she ignored it but Celestia felt it, it being uncomfortable enough to make her feel as if she might drown in it. 

Her mind ran rampant with thoughts. The eating feeling of guilt seemed to worm its way into her heart. She knew just how much she had been away from Kyoko. For the majority of the time she was busy, either on trips to other divisions or at least busy working for most of the day, returning to their room tired enough to fall asleep rather quickly. She had tried her best to check on Kyoko, and make sure she was alright. But the detective easily saw her exhaustion on those nights and told her that she was fine, and that they didn’t need to talk about anything. Celestia mentally promised she would bring this up later, she always promised. But it never happened, and now it had been almost a full month since Kyoko had left the hospital. 

So now she just found herself staring at the back of Kyoko, who continued to sort papers. The thought of asking anything of her, trying to make sure she was fully okay was something she felt so guilty about not doing before that it almost made it harder to do now. It would never show over her façade of a poker face but she was deeply worried and somewhat anxious. While she appeared to just be staring a bit too hard at Kyoko, she was enraptured in deep thought. 

“...I’m sorry,” she murmured quietly.

“What was that?” Kyoko turned around for a second.

“Nothing, dear… it seems like you have most everything sorted now.” She gestured to the much neater and cleaner desk in front of them. Kyoko nodded softly, turning more to face her as she held a few papers in her good hand.

“I do. I was going to say, I looked through all I could to find things relating to both the 2nd and 6th divisions. We never had much direct contact with them before all of this but we’ve worked with them on a few assignments. Namely having the 6th protect and aid members of our division when they traveled to nearby cities to talk about the foundation’s efforts. The 2nd we’ve been less involved with, but since they do have a small peacekeeping force we’ve interacted with a few times in the city. Here should be accounts of the more important interactions and messages relayed between us and them. Hopefully it can give some sort of insight into how to properly deal with them.” She held them out, prompting Celestia to step forward and take them. The former gambler felt the desire to remind Kyoko that she really shouldn't be working, especially when she was just dealing with pains, but held her tongue for the time being. She quickly glanced through the files, seeing what could possibly be legitimately helpful information on how the divisions in question function.

“Oh, this does seem like it could be quite helpful… I’ll have to look at this with Makoto and Byakuya.” She paused and looked over the papers at Kyoko. “Thank you.”

“There’s no need for that. I’m just trying to do what I should be doing.” The former gambler frowned a little.

“You don’t have to be doing anything right now. I appreciate this deeply and I’m sure they will too but once again, you don’t need to be pushing yourself.” Kyoko looked away silently. Celestia could feel it—she was upset and didn’t want to hear that. “Anyways, are you feeling any better?” Kyoko paused. The pain had subsided for the time being, but the uncomfortable tingling of those nerves bothered her.

“I am, somewhat.” 

“We should get back to the room then, unless you had anywhere else you wanted to go.” Kyoko thought on it, before shaking her head lightly.

“No, that’s fine.” She slowly brought herself up to standing and Celestia turned around, leading the way out of the office. As soon as Kyoko was out she quickly turned to her.

“I’ll leave these files with Makoto very quickly. I will be back in just a minute.” Kyoko nodded slowly as Celestia hurried off. And within a minute she was indeed back, arm extended out for a second to lead them towards the direction of the hall from which they came. Kyoko began to follow, and within a few minutes they had untraced the labyrinth of the division's hallways back to the rooms. They quickly entered and were greeted by the bleak, plain room that was still illuminated by the opened window from earlier, albeit now with less of a warm yellow tint to it. 

Kyoko walked over to her bed and sat down, as Celestia took a seat on her own. The detective’s eyes trailed the ground as she found herself blinking quite a bit to bring herself to her senses. To some degree, the sedation of the medicine from earlier was now beginning to settle in her brain. Trying to ignore it she quickly removed her boots and her jacket, which she stood to hang on the chair nearby. As she did Celestia walked over, having sat down only to quickly remove her heels.

“Here, let me help you dress down,” she offered, her fake accent having died away in the privacy of their room. Kyoko frowned but it was a very fleeting one, still bothered by the fact that it was infinitely more difficult to undress on her own but also deeply appreciative of the former gambler’s willingness to help her. She swallowed the ever encroaching feeling of shame from her weakness and closed her eyes for a few moments.

“Yeah… that would be helpful, thank you.” Undressing was luckily much easier than getting dressed. The real trouble was her shirt, which couldn’t be undone with just the one good hand Kyoko had at the moment. Celestia quickly unbuttoned it and helped Kyoko pull her right arm out of the shirt. She pulled down the sleeve over her afflicted arm and off, the former gambler unable to help looking at it again. It was certainly much better than the first time Celestia had seen them, but there was still obvious damage. At the wrist of Kyoko’s glove was a lighter purple ring of scar tissue, from it coming raised, vein-like scarring embossed along her arm. 

The scars seemed to streak upward, luckily becoming less and less prevalent, most of the discoloration being on just her forearm now. There were small patches of a very light purple going up along her shoulder and neck even, but they took a bit of effort to see. She lifted the detective’s arm gently to finish removing it from the sleeve, Kyoko’s hand trembling limply in her grasp as she placed it back down. Celestia didn’t mean to but she couldn’t help but look, her expression flashing a bit of grief for only a moment. Kyoko was no stranger to reading her and picked it up immediately, grimacing in response.

“It looks like it’s getting better,” Celestia offered, in attempts to be positive.

“...I suppose it is.” Things grew silent as Kyoko walked away, over to the dresser they shared. She opened it and grabbed a somewhat oversized t-shirt—it was among some of the only clothes the foundation could procure for its members in the uncertain times. Celestia instinctively folded the shirt in her hand, placing it on top of the other side on the dresser. All that she was left to do was fiddle with her hands for a few moments as Kyoko finished changing. Once she did she walked over and sat down on the side of her bed, the former gambler quickly taking the spot right next to her. “Thank you for going on a walk with me.” Celestia nodded.

“Of course, it isn’t a problem. I hope it's helped some?” Kyoko looked down and furrowed her brow some in thought, before meeting her eyes again.

“I believe it did. I do feel a bit better now that I’ve been up.” She smiled at hearing that.

“That’s good… I’m really glad.”

“Yeah…” A silence between the two of them followed. Celestia looked down, her left hand removing itself from her lap to be placed atop Kyoko’s gloved hand. The detective stared down at them for a few moments as Celestia softly ran her thumb over the studs of Kyoko’s gloves. The air again felt heavy with words that hadn’t been said. Neither of them were focused on each other quite so much as their thoughts. 

“You should join Makoto and Byakuya again soon to look at those papers,” she began. “I don’t want to stall you.” 

“No, I can get to that later, dear. I just want to spend some time with you a bit first.” Kyoko raised a brow.

“Why? I don’t need anything, I’m fine.”

“I know, but I haven’t been able to talk to you lately, or at all really… about everything that’s happened.” The detective frowned deeply.

“There’s nothing to talk about beyond what you’ve already heard from everyone. They made it to the end of the game so they know more than I do.”

“It’s not about that. It was another killing game all over again, and dealing with the first one was hard enough, so…” Her voice died down. “...I’m sure it hasn’t been easy for you.” Kyoko just stared at Celestia but inside she felt growing anxiety. It had almost been too long since the game, she felt like if she began to talk about it the last crack would form, breaking something internally. Something vital.

“...I’m sorry. I don’t have anything to say.” The whole room seemed to hold its breath in silence, before Celestia softly sighed and mentally cursed herself a bit.

“It’s alright. It isn’t right of me to ask that of you, anyway.” 

“No, that’s not it. I just… don’t think it would be a good idea to talk about it now. Really, you should get back to the office. I’ve wasted enough of your time.” The former gambler looked deep into her eyes. She knew the sort of look she was receiving—Kyoko was completely closed off. There was nothing she could do to talk to her. She closed her eyes for a moment, before nodding.

“I... understand. I’ll go.” Kyoko watched as she stood up, glancing around the room to make sure she didn’t need to bring anything with her before simply leaving, almost as quickly as she had appeared that morning. The detective frowned, biting her lip a bit too hard as she saw her go. She regretted it.

* * *

It was around the evening, this conclusion being solely based on the light filtering through the blinds Kyoko had closed a few hours before. She was still sitting in bed, thinking about what she should say to Celestia when she saw her again, attempting to analyze her own feelings before the two talked, and trying to prepare herself mentally. She sat there, gloves besides her, running her right hand along her afflicted arm. She ran her fingers over the scar tissue that jutted out in its odd patterning, now old enough to not hurt when she touched it but still seemed mildly tender. She didn’t know if it was in her head or not—likely it was, because she knew how extensive the nerve damage was around her wrist especially. 

She hadn’t brought it up with anyone but her hand seemed hardly functional; it trembled with any sort of exertion, and as she thumbed over her fingers she barely felt it—as if it were someone else’s burn-marred hand. It was an odd sort of feeling, one that made her shudder slightly. Kyoko didn’t understand just why it bothered her so much, she had already been through one permanently scarring incident before. But it almost seemed ironic to be subjected to a set of scars so close to the first one. They overlapped with the burns, the veiny scars almost cutting through the old ones to make themselves known. It looked awful, terrible. It was the sort of thing she knew would make anyone somewhat uncomfortable at the sight of it. It wasn’t an appealing sight, which is why she couldn’t help but stare at it, examining every detail perhaps a bit too closely. 

She had tried not to be too aware of them, the same way she had the first time she could finally see her burn scars, but she couldn’t help it. What with there being hardly anything else to do in her room, a lot of her time was spent thinking. And with that it only made sense for her train of thought to fall upon the nature of her scarring at some point. She wished in some way she could get an explanation—maybe one from Mikan, but she knew that wouldn’t be possible. All she could do was examine, though there was no point to it anyway. No matter how much she stared at it she knew it wouldn’t go away. The discoloration had faded some since she first saw them, but she knew that even after she fully recovered they would never fully go away. With the days passing by so slowly it seemed she’d never recover. And that bothered her.

But the door creaked again. She raised her head quickly, going to reach for her gloves but realizing the only person who would enter the room unprompted was Celestia. The former gambler stepped inside, using her elbow to close the door behind her. Her hands were full with two plates.

“Evening, dear. I brought us some food.”

“...hey.” Celestia walked over, handing Kyoko a plate. “Thank you.” She took a seat beside her, and the two spent a few moments eating in relative silence. The food was as bland as the organization’s food could get, but it was sustenance nonetheless. 

“Those files gave us some ideas for coming up with a more suitable compromise between the divisions,” Celestia mentioned, staring forward. “Thank you again.”

“Mm, I’m glad it could help.”

“I might have to head back out in a day or two…” Kyoko couldn’t suppress her frown, attempting to cover it by looking away.

“That’s pretty soon.”

“Isn’t it?” The former gambler sighed tiredly. “I’d rather someone else do it… I should make Togami handle it," she said, smiling just for a moment before sighing again. "But I know he has a more important job here than I do.” Celestia stood up, motioning to Kyoko's empty plate, who murmured a quiet thanks as Celestia placed stacked them on the dresser for the time being.

“Right… he’s standing in for me right now.” Celestia nodded, joining her back on the bed. “I feel bad that I can’t at least help. Maybe I should talk to him.”

“It’s alright dear, I wouldn’t worry about it. I’d say he’s figured out what to do just fine.” She crossed her arms. “There’s no one else who has as much experience with the other divisions so honestly... I shouldn’t complain about it.” Kyoko lifted her head.

“No, that’s understandable. You’ve only spent like a day or two in the same place all month. Traveling that much is exhausting.”

“...a bit. But it definitely isn’t the most awful thing, so it will be fine.” It was silent for a few moments. These pauses were always natural, as the two just took in the atmosphere around them, however odd with the current situation. But this particular quiet felt dreadful. Despite their normal conversation, there was a sense of awkwardness. The air was tense, filled with an anxiety that had persisted since Celestia had left a few hours before. Finally Kyoko spoke.

“I’m sorry about earlier. I didn’t know how to respond… it wasn’t fair of me to shut you out like that.”

“No, don’t worry about that,” Celestia said, shaking her head lightly. “Asking that was pretty sudden.” 

“Maybe, but it's... understandable, since we haven’t talked much about it.” She sighed softly, her eyes trailing the floor. “I think I still struggle with the fact that there was another killing game. I expected to spend the day dealing with Makoto's questioning, not trying to survive...” The former gambler nodded.

“I can’t believe that happened in one day, I know that must have been overwhelming…” Kyoko lifted her head at the sound of that. Overwhelming felt like an understatement. It had been a month and still she found her brain mentally unpacking it. That was mostly due to just how much she had never thought about the awful events she had experienced, how many feelings she kept stowed away in her brain so that she could focus on better things. But in such a powerless state, she had no choice but to be subjected to all of it. Just mentioning it seemed to be enough to subject her brain to all of it, like a nightmare that was too detailed to be normal.

“Yeah I…” The detective trailed off, the aforementioned feelings seeming to suddenly stir within her. Her heart dropped as she felt grief start to claw at the inside of her throat. “I don’t…” She took a deep breath. “I just don’t know how t-to talk... about it...” Kyoko looked down and pulled her lightly shaking hand away from Celestia’s, who found herself silenced at what she was seeing. The detective bit her lip, eyebrows upturned in distress as she seemed to glower at her lap as she swallowed and attempted to steady her quickening breath. Her expression distorted more into a grimace as she tried to fight every involuntary instinct her body was forcing upon her. Tears bridged in her eyes as she looked away. “No—I shouldn’t be doing this…!” Celestia felt herself become somewhat panicked and concerned at the sight of Kyoko of all people on the verge of tears.

“No, no, it’s okay dear,” she tried to say as soothingly as possible as she shifted over to come closer. “You’re allowed to cry, it’s okay… l-like I said, it’s an awful situation.”

“That doesn’t matter, I can’t do this—I-I don’t have the right to be doing this right now,” she choked, trying desperately to push her feelings back down. But she couldn’t, her brain reminded her of how awful everything was and how useless she was every second. “Everyone else… everyone else is working and actually contributing to the foundation right now, and I’m still here. I can’t even h-help…”

“That’s fine Kyoko, you don’t have to do anything right now.” The former gambler rested a comforting hand on Kyoko’s thigh. “We’re figuring it out, and you just almost died about a month ago… it’s not easy to recover from that.” Kyoko frowned, biting her lip and averting her gaze.

“I know… but I have to do s-something… anything,” her voice cracked. “I can make it to my office j-just fine… I could start ba—”

“No,” she interjected. “No you can’t. That wouldn’t go well. And in plus, I…” Celestia’s voice trailed off. “I don’t think the problem is getting back to work...” Kyoko raised her head, her expression reading both distress and confusion. “I mean.. you were in another killing game! And I know how much it stresses you—situations like that.”

“...I could’ve been able to save m-more people. Just like the first one…” Her voice started to waver again as she shut her eyes tightly. “If I had put everything t-together just a bit quicker... if I-I had been more cautious of everyone’s a-actions… there could’ve been more than six of us…” She took another deep breath, her body tensing. “This time too I… I didn’t e-even discuss what I thought was g-going on. I just left that notebook behind… if I brought it up earlier it could’ve ended the fighting between everyone…” She couldn’t suppress the new rush of tears as they leaked through her tightly shut eyelids, streaking thinly down her face. She quickly wiped them away and leaned forward, shoulders hunched as if she was trying to bury her head into her own chest.

“No, don’t—that’s nothing to worry about right now, alright?” Celestia received no response, as the detective found it hard to speak, choked silent by her own hitching, shaking breaths. More tears forced their way out, running down her cheeks and falling onto her shirt. She attempted desperately to wipe them away again, as if she were in any position to successfully hide the fact that she was crying. But it was too late; Kyoko couldn’t stop the tears as her body was completely racked with grief.

Celestia frowned as she watched the helpless, shaking side profile of Kyoko. She moved to place her knee on the bed, turning to completely face her. The detective glanced over as Celestia moved, then seeing the former gambler’s slightly outstretched arms. She could only stare, her face obscured somewhat by her abundantly long hair as she met eyes with Celestia. “It’s alright, you can—” She cut herself off as Kyoko almost collapsed into her chest, crying still. She tensed for just a second in surprise, before quickly going to wrap her arms around the shaking detective, careful to place her arm underneath Kyoko's injured one so as not to hurt her. 

Kyoko’s crying had been wordless—composed of shaky, shallow breaths that tripped over each other in attempts to calm down but just simply couldn’t. She wrapped her one good arm around around Celestia’s waist, holding onto her as tightly as she could manage in her weakened state, desperate to not let go. But as held onto her with dear life she only found herself wanting to cry even more, the occasional whimpers that creeped out turning into full-on sobs. Celestia rubbed her back gently, her eyes trailing about the room and occasionally glancing down at her girlfriend, who only looked like a mess of purple hair at the moment. She closed her eyes and continued to comfort her, the two staying in that position for what felt like an hour, but couldn’t have been more than ten minutes. It was ten full minutes of crying, which eventually died down to silence; Kyoko’s head was still buried in Celestia’s chest, who hummed quietly.

Although the detective had gone silent her mind was still filled with thoughts as she took in the fact that Celestia was holding her. It was a sensation she hadn’t felt in what was likely years. There was something so foreign about being in the arms of someone else. It was much harder to focus on those thoughts that had been plaguing her when she felt Celestia run her hands along her back, and her fingers tap softly on her side. It was as if some sort of feeling she had never fully processed before came out in full force when she rested on the former gambler, completely overriding any sort of coherent thought for the moment, as the only thing she could do was wish to stay like that. There was just something about being embraced that was different from any sort of comfort words could provide. To think someone would be willing to do that sort of thing, to waste the time they could be using to do something else to instead wrap their arms around her and stay there for any amount of time longer than second. There was some internal fuzziness at that sort of thought, a fog that seemed to cloud her thoughts and only process the physical sensations she was so unused to. She felt awfully selfish thinking it, but she never wanted it to end.

“...I’m sorry,” Kyoko eventually murmured. “I didn’t want to burden you like this…” Celestia opened her eyes at hearing that.

“No, like I said, that isn’t anything to worry about. And you’re never a burden, alright?” She rubbed her back a little again. “It’s okay… although, this seems like an uncomfortable position for you. Should we get in bed?” Kyoko went silent for a few moments, before reluctantly lifting her head and sitting back up. It was true that it kind of hurt her back, but it went completely unnoticed while she was crying. 

“Wait, your shirt…” Kyoko said, noticing that it was wet with tears where she had previously been laying her head. Celestia glanced downwards as she mentioned. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—“

“It’s fine, dear. It’s not ruined or anything.” She quickly moved to climb completely into the bed, and then over next to the wall, leaning up against the pillows and leaving room for Kyoko. “Come on, come over here,” she said, motioning the detective over. Kyoko paused for a few moments before slowly joining her. It took her a moment to get adjusted, but soon she rested her head in Celestia’s chest again. The former gambler hugged her and the two laid in silence for a few minutes.

“...I know you told me to not worry about it but I feel guilty putting all of this on you,” Kyoko murmured softly.

“Please don’t. I know you don’t like to acknowledge it but you’ve dealt with a lot. Especially with this situation… you’re allowed to be upset about it, alright?”

“I… I’m mostly just upset with myself. I didn’t do enough, and now it feels like I can’t do anything at all… it’s frustrating.” 

“I know it is. But you did all you could. No one could ask for more, and it’s important that you take care of yourself until you’re better. If you try to push yourself now it might lead to more problems in the future, you know?”

“I guess it could, but if I’m not working I don’t exactly have a purpose. I feel… completely useless.” Celestia frowned and pulled her closer.

“You’re not useless, dear. It’s unreasonable for anyone to say you have to be working all the time to be worth something. You’re incredibly important to everyone here and nothing you do or don’t do is going to change that, alright?” Kyoko went silent for a few moments.

“That reminds me of something my grandfather used to say.” Celestia raised a brow in curiosity. “As a detective, your worth is the sum of your work. If I were to prove myself I had to make sure I showed for it as much as I could.”

“...not to be rude, but that’s an awful saying. Maybe your skills can be reflected in performing well, but that still doesn’t mean you have to work all the time.”

“I guess it doesn’t, but I’m always a detective before anything else. I know I can't exactly do that sort of investigative work as the division head, but it applies just the same.”

“It shouldn’t apply at all. You can’t work all the time. It’s just not realistic, and people don’t need constant proof of that to know you’re a competent person.” Kyoko didn't formulate a response, her mind ruminating on Celestia's words. “No one thinks any less of you, okay? And no one will, I promise.” The detective frowned.

“I hope not. I don’t want to disappoint anyone.”

“You’re not going to, no one’s expecting you to do anything right now except recover.” Celestia sighed and softly ran her hand along Kyoko’s spine; she grumbled and closed her eyes in response as it became quiet for a few minutes.

“...you know, I don't think I've hugged someone like this since I was a kid,” Kyoko softly remarked. Celestia raised her head for just a second. 

“Really?” She felt her nod lightly. “That's a bit concerning,” she said, unaware of just how ironic it was for her of all people to say that.

“It was fine. My grandfather wasn’t much for physical affection, but when I officially became a detective I ended up making a friend, I remember she would comfort me like this,” she explained, a certain brown-haired girl coming to mind. Celestia closed her eyes, drumming her hands softly along the detective’s back.

“Well, I’m glad someone was there for you,” she said. “You definitely needed it, from what little I’ve heard.” Kyoko smiled softly, unseen to Celestia. “Anyways, I think we’ll have to stay like this for a while, to make up for lost time.”

“I wouldn’t mind that... I forgot how nice it was.” Celestia hummed in response, and the room grew quiet and peaceful once again. Both of them were exhausted, the aftereffects of the trip back beginning to take their toll of Celestia, while Kyoko felt completely drained after having cried, something she hadn't done in at least a year. And so neither of them had the energy to talk or do anything more than take in the sensations of warmth and comfort from each other. Time waned on as everything started to slow down, thoughts gradually blending into the sensations and disappearing as they both found themselves soon taken by sleep.


End file.
